Why My Wife Thinks I Am an Idiot by Mike Greenberg

Author:Mike Greenberg [Greenberg, Mike]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Re: phone calls

Don’t call before noon, your father calls then sometimes.

Also in the afternoon. Try before dinner.

Less than twenty minutes later, another came.

Re: quick question

Yes, I do. You are a good son to think of your father, it could save his life.

That was all.

The print was blue, which means she was replying to something I had asked. But whatever that was, she had erased it. So now I am trying to remember what question I asked my mother, and I am in turmoil because whatever it is may save my father’s life. My options are to risk calling again to ask or leave it alone and hope it doesn’t kill my father. Those are the kinds of decisions we make in my family.

I take comfort in knowing that my mother’s idea of what may kill my father is almost unlimited. Once she said it would kill him if he did not wear a jacket on a cool night. Another time she accused me of attempted murder for encouraging him to order a sour pickle. It is a miracle he has survived into his seventies.

I think I’m just going to ignore the e-mail and hope nothing terrible happens. And in the event it does, I’m hopeful it will take her so long to reach me that she’ll forget it was my fault. Most of all, I’m just looking forward to another good night’s sleep. Those have been hard to come by lately.

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